Orifices

Never a dull moment in the ER
OK, it has to be said, enough is enough
Ladies- when you put something in your vagina it will need to come out! You really can't leave it in forever, and please for the love of God do not forget that you put it in there!
You would not believe how many times we have to fish something out of there that has been in for only God knows how long. Do you not realize it has a foul odor? I mean really. They put the strings on the tampons for a reason! Maybe should you set your cell phone alarm when you place one in so that in 5 hours you remember to take it out.
I understand the occasional lost condom, and you just need someone to pull it out.
Another thing nurses are not completely stupid- if you have sex there is a chance you could be pregnant. You would not believe how many females come into the ER with abdominal pain and try to tell us that there is no way they could be pregnant and low and behold they are crowning. I love that they just can't be pregnant even with their amniotic fluid running down their legs.
So this really goes to my theory that maybe people should have to have a license or permit to procreate. Maybe pass a test, be able to prove that they can actually take care of another living being, and to be able to understand that you can buy a thermometer and Tylenol at the store Another thing when you have a fever do not wear everything in your closet to come to the ER while carrying the largest blanket you could find. And it is OK to take Tylenol or Motrin before coming in if you have a fever. And if you are vomiting do not ask me if you can have something to eat or drink. I will tell you go right on ahead, but I will not hold your hair, or clean up your vomit!
OK enough said for today.